By: Mahirotus Shofa
A girl’s voice sounded melodiously, humming a wonderful melody. She felt every syllable and note coming from her lips. In the center of the gorgeous stage, she moved right and left, swaying her entire body to the rhythm of the music, wanting to communicate a message, whether of anguish or delight, by her appearance.
Not wanting to miss the moment, some of those watching her took out their phones in the hopes of capturing wonderful moments, and others shared their joy on social media.
The girl did not expect her appearance to be viewed differently by some people on social media. She was blamed just for wearing clothes that were deemed indecent since they revealed her curves. Her body was commented on as they pleased and harassed. Clothes that she wore to enhance performance were diverted by others to intentions that she did not expect.
***
When you read the writing above, what impression does it leave on you? A female singer wearing a sleeveless top that exposes her armpits or a minidress that doesn’t even cover one-third of her legs is an example of apparel that some of us frequently mock as being insufficiently fabricated. However, the female singer I saw and described here didn’t wear that attire. Eventhough she had no covering on her head, she was wearing a long-sleeved garment that was about ankle-length. She was nevertheless still subjected to sexual harassment. This raises the question: are the garments to blame for this?
Furthermore, based on data gathered by Umah Ramah from a year’s worth of Google searches, 680 out of 682 cases of sexual violence encountered women, and 522 of those cases encountered children. So, for the cases they encountered, are these children’s clothes to blame for this?
Numerous reports of sexual violence in Islamic boarding schools are also common. Every day, female students cover their hair with a headscarf, wear gamis (loose, ankle-length gowns), and some even don niqabs, which only reveal their eyes to others. However, they still unavoidably encounter sexual violence despite all those closed garments. Is clothing to blame for this as well?
Sadly, society often focuses on criticizing women despite the numerous instances of sexual violence against them. Beginning with her attire, whether or not she flaunts her curves, her gait, her speech, and so forth. So much so that the question “What if women harass themselves with what they wear?” is raised. In actuality, it is evident that women’s clothing has little bearing on the frequent occurrences of sexual violence. However, why are women usually held responsible when sexual violence occurs to them?
Sexualization of Women
In the book “Pesantren, Seksualitas, dan Kekerasan Seksual” (Islamic boarding schools, sexuality, and sexual violence), Abdul Rosyidi et al. discuss women’s bodies in a patriarchal society and write that sexuality, a manifestation of humanity, has only been broken down as something that can support procreation in order to maintain patriarchy. Women’s sexuality is viewed solely as a fleshly body that serves as a reproductive organ. The concern of society and religious teachings for women is limited to biological beings who are capable of bearing children. Distancing sexuality from our significance as whole human beings is another effect of this fragmentation.
This viewpoint could lead to women being constantly blamed. All initially neutral feminine characteristics are sexualized in a way that consistently arouses desire and fantasy while still ensuring the function of the uterus as a producer of offspring from men. Originally designed to facilitate their activities, women’s apparel like bras, skirts, and pants is also sexualized. In actuality, this restricts women to roles that invite sexual attention instead of their freedom and comfort.
Because of this, we all fail to recognize women as whole human beings with minds and emotions in addition to bodies. Women are not incapable of thinking, but for centuries they have been deprived of access to knowledge. They are domesticated. Women are not afraid to voice what they feel, but every idea that comes out will always be belittled and ignored. Their natural capacity to speak is discarded and kept away from them. So far away that it disappears from sight and makes women ignore that they have the right to it. So is her body. It exists, but only for the benefit of men.
Every time I hear advice, “As a woman, you have to be neat, be able to cook, clean, be beautiful, and so on.” It feels as if this is an obligation that women must fulfill. Despite not being specifically directed for men, everyday reality shows that these demands are often made with the aim of attracting attention and pleasing men.
So when I realized my attachment to the value of being “a woman”, I realized that letting go of it all would not be easy, especially since it has shaped my emotions and behavior until today.
Sexual Violence
I used to be so mean to judge women who encountered sexual violence. I blamed them and called them ‘bad’. Not only to other women, when I experienced sexual violence, I did the same thing. I judged and blamed myself. I remember, at that time, that my anger towards the person who did it was not as big as my anger towards myself. I cursed myself with unreaseable self-blame, saying things like, “It wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t like this.” “If you didn’t wear these clothes, if you did that, and so on.” Self-blame that led to a great deal of regret.
For some who do not experience it, sexual violence might be accepted as commonplace, a trivial act, or a joke, but not for those of us who do. My perception of myself was somewhat altered by that encounter. I felt depressed and unworthy. After being sexually harassed several times, I started to believe that I could be deserving of it while experiencing tension and repressed anger.
As a result of partially resolving this, I have a better understanding of the wounds of people who encounter sexual violence, especially women. How difficult it is for them to speak up, how scared and anxious they are in public spaces, or how unbearable it feels that they hurt themselves to the point of ending their own life.
Valuable Lessons
I have gained a number of valuable lessons from living a challenging life as a woman up to this point. First, I am more aware of myself as a whole woman whose existence is not exclusively for men, like the lyrics of the song “Hawa tercipta di dunia, untuk menemani sang Adam” (Eve was created in the world, to accompany Adam). Women have the capacity to discover their own purpose and were made for their own growth and understanding of the universe and its contents.
Second, women have the same rights as free human beings, including the ability to express themselves through their clothing choices. I cannot dispute that freedom has its restrictions because we are social beings. Whether constrained by morality, legal requirements, societal conventions, or other people’s rights. What must be stressed, though, is that one’s right to perpetrate sexual violence cannot be based on how other people dress. Sexual violence against others is never justified from any angle.
Third, there isn’t a really solid guideline for how people should interact. Everybody has a unique viewpoint and background. Despite having the best of intentions, we cannot make others feel the same way we do. For example, we must observe how someone responds when we attempt to appreciate their physical attributes. Do they have a smile on their face? Does their gesture appear at ease? Because what we consider to be nice can have negative effects on other people. Remember that this also applies for ourselves. When someone else says or does anything that makes us feel unpleasant, our feelings are valid and not wrong at all.We have the right to express our discomfort, agreement, or pain when we receive it. Because you are the only one with the right to anything that concerns you. We have full authority over our own bodies, minds, and feelings. []