By: Abdul Rosyidi
Yesterday evening’s discussion (on Friday, October 25, 2024) was held in the hallway of the largest campus in Cirebon. All of us, Umah Ramah activists and participants, sat cross-legged in the middle of the connecting corridor between the postgraduate buildings.
They were students, mostly men from various campuses in Cirebon. There were around 12 men and 5 women. Although they studied at different campuses, they came from the same area, Indramayu. Therefore, they gathered under one organization, Ikatan Keluarga Mahasiswa Indramayu (IKMI) Cirebon (the Indramayu Student Family Association of Cirebon).
We talked about a book about sexual violence called “Memahami Kekerasan Seksual Lebih Dalam” published by Umah Ramah. For nearly three hours, we could only recite one sub-chapter. Three paragraphs that demonstrated that sexual violence is not caused by (bad) sexual desire.
The rest was an explanation of crucial questions about this. What is sexual desire? How does that desire arise? can we experience it, when does it occur, and how can we recognize and handle it effectively? Is it true that Satan causes sexual desire? As tradition has taught so far. How do men and women handle it? Is the way men and women feel the same? And what is the difference? Then when does sexual violence occur or not?
All the questions flowed so fast. Perhaps they had been holding back inquiries for quite some time. It is possible that since childhood, adults have answered such questions with fear, confusion, and doubt: “You’ll find out later.”
Yesterday afternoon in the hallway, a place usually used by “lowly” people to sit and “seba” (kneel down), we had a lively discussion. Slowly unraveling the problem that previously seemed so tangled. A tangle that grew more intricate as fewer people discussed it. “Taboo,” they said.
In that simple place, we tried to find points that had previously remained unanswered, owing to a lack of explanation from anyplace, including family, school, and campus.
That day, everything that was normative was shattered. Only in informal settings could discussions regarding this topic flow honestly, easily, and radiated with joy. That is how sexuality issues should be discussed among adults.
That afternoon I realized that the hallway, although it is the lowest point amidst the grandeur of the towering buildings, is the most important part of the area. Because without the hallway, the magnificent buildings cannot be connected.
The issue we discussed that afternoon was comparable to the hallway; without it, the magnificient things about humanity and the various painful catastrophes and tragedies that degrade it would be impossible to explain. Paradox.
Thank you for initiating to discuss this issue. Especially when the majority of you, the discussion participants, are men who are becoming increasingly concerned about the growing number of sexual violence cases worldwide. You have demonstrated that sexual violence is not just a women’s problem; it is a humanitarian problem, one that affects all of us.
Hopefully, we can continue to have this discussion weekly until everything is clear. []
This article was translated by Napol Riel.