By: Abdul Rosyidi
Cases of sexual violence continue to occur every day. Of all that, almost all of the perpetrators were men. Although in some cases men are the victims, that is only a small number. This shows that the problem of sexual violence is a main problem for men. This fact also shows that all men have the potential to become perpetrators of sexual violence at some point. So it is important for everyone to pay attention to how family and society “form” their men.
So far, many people still believe that the cause of sexual violence occurs because of individual deviation. That the problem arose because of one person’s aberration. Whether it is due to a mental, desire, or moral deviation of the perpetrator.
Perpetrators of sexual violence are usually identified as people who are mentally-ill (crazy), insane, or have neurological disorders. They are people who have too much sexual desire and/or those who cannot channel it well. The inmates are believed to have low moral standards, are far from religious teachings, and may have never received moral education from their parents.
These reasons are not completely wrong, but if we focus too much on the individual motives of the perpetrators, which are usually used by security forces in handling cases of sexual violence, we will forget about the problems that exist in the social body.
These beliefs suddenly disappeared when many of the perpetrators of sexual violence were sane, mentally healthy, had a life partner, and had a good moral record. Some are even religious leaders who have a very high moral image. Such facts should be more than enough for us to shift our focus from just individual deviation.
Many feminists put forward a better argument by saying that the root of the problem of sexual violence is power relations in a patriarchal society. Patriarchal society itself exists everywhere, although with different characteristics, including in our country. Referring to Sylvia Walby, patriarchy is a system of social structures and practices where men dominate, oppress, and exploit women.
Many men are not aware of the existence of this system of oppression and the first to dismantle it are women. This is because they themselves feel the suffering of living in the midst of a patriarchal system. Their experiences of suffering reveal the same patterns of oppression that occur everywhere. As parties who receive special privileges from this system, men are often unaware, because no one makes them aware or deliberately does not want to become aware.
Kamla Bhasin said, in a patriarchal system, no less than five important aspects of life are controlled by men. One of them is that they control women’s sexuality. Women are required to provide sexual services according to men’s needs and desires. Male culture defines women as sexual objects for men’s pleasure. And to control women’s sexuality, their clothes, actions and movements are carefully monitored by the rules of behavior in the family, society, culture and religion.
Many of the male friends that Umah Ramah and I talked to rejected all the accusations above. This may be because personally they do not feel they have done anything wrong to women, either their partners or other women, such as their mother or sister. As a man I can understand that. However, like me back then, they are not aware that there is a system of oppression that works, influences and controls all of us, without exception, including men.
The Myths of Masculinity
To name just one feature of how the system works, we can unpack it from a closer look at the circumstances under which men can commit sexual violence against women. This violence occurs because patriarchy “educates” and enables men to do it. One way to grow this is by instilling the myths of masculinity in their bodies and consciousness.
This myth of masculinity is a semiological game that leads to the perpetuation of patriarchal ideals. This myth is responsible for forming men as desired by this system, namely men who are big, strong, powerful, tough, and dominate others. At the individual level, this myth tries to “force” men to have large and strong biological bodies. In sexual matters, this myth also “urges” men to have a penis that is big, strong, and stays erect as long as possible.
The myth of masculinity also pervades the male social body, where he is continuously encouraged to demonstrate his masculinity through acts of violence and dominating others. I myself have felt how since I was little, these myths were everywhere, every time something went against my wishes (conflict), it was as if the solution was through force, violence or control.
These myths live and continue to be lived in daily life in families, in interactions with close people, appearing all the time in advertisements, television shows, social media, and religious narratives about sexual pleasure in heaven. The image of the ideal man in all narratives of our patriarchal system leads to such things. So whether men admit it or not, in fact they are not truly free to be themselves.
As a result, most men will be disturbed when they do not meet the mythical expectations of masculinity, for example if their bodies are thin, their penises are small, or if they are impotent. There are also men who cannot fulfill this myth because they have characteristics that are somewhat womanly, have a soft voice, cry easily, or are emotionally more sensitive than men in general. Not to mention, if the man has different body characteristics or sexual orientation.
I also often realize that masculinity myths subtly creep into my body and mind in various ways, from the way the men around me act, from sports shows full of competition and fighting, from Hollywood films full of blood scenes, and from how families and schools educate with military-style discipline, plus competition to become a winner or masculine hero.
It turns out that the social body is not limited to a small scope, such as relationships within the family or friendships, or educational institutions, but also to a larger scope within the state system and interactions between nations in the world. Violence and masculinity seem to have emerged with the state and global relations, for example, how countries in the world carry out nuclear races, show off military strength, and carry out wars. For some reason, the nickname superpower country is closely associated with countries that use violence as an instrument to subdue and dominate other countries.
By realizing these things, I then thought that I, as a man, felt uncomfortable knowing that all this time my way of being a man was not humane. Like when I found out that my way of being a man was not based on a sense of freedom (raos mardika).
In the end, I also invite all male friends to no longer be men who “claim” themselves to be what the patriarchy wants. I don’t want us to become men who use violence as a tool to oppress and control women. Nor to subdue and dominate “the other”.
By having lots of talks and discussions about this, I hope that many men will begin to realize how they were shaped and directed by patriarchy to become monsters. Starting from that awareness, I hope that many men will become aware, and will slowly make their contribution to the movement to end sexual violence. ***
This article was translated by Napol Riel.